I Have to Make a Decision

Well for the past week or so I have been struggling with the decision to have more surgery or not.  I am so tired of being in pain all of the time and seeing no clear-cut solution.  I miss important classes and meetings, I can't sleep through the night, and I can't eat any of the hard foods I want.  Right now the only two ways that I can go from here is living with pain and trying to find a medication that might help or having another partial jaw joint surgery on my left joint.  
I hesitate to have surgery because of a few things.  First, I've already had to have 18 surgeries.  Having another surgery is not something I really jump at.  Also, what if the surgery does not work?  My last surgery on my right jaw joint hasn't really eased any pain.  If this surgery doesn't work, I'll have gone through another surgery and would still be in pain.


Any suggestions?  I would welcome any ideas, points of view, etc...

Hit the Ground Running

Well to be totally honest I wasn't running.  I participated in a 5K Fun Run/Walk this morning.  I haven't really done anything that requires a lot of strength or stamina since I had Gullian Barre and was in a wheelchair in 2004.  I decided to walk because my strength and stamina is so low.  This was my first attempt at a 5K.  I wasn't able to do the whole walk but I completed a 2.5K.  My time was 28:28.  I have plans for another 5K in two weeks so I am hoping to complete the 5K or improve my 2.5K time.  I have a goal to run a marathon someday.  It may not be for a while since I have a lot of strength to regain but making the decision is the first step right?  I am very excited to try to do this.  I am going to try to set up a training routine to gain some strength in between the events.  Hopefully I will be able to write in the future about actually running a 5K and eventually completing a marathon!

A Little Note to Pain

I wrote this note to pain on my Facebook page and I thought I would share it here as well since I haven't given much of an update on how my pain is.  I've decided to apply a bit of the relationship knowledge I have gleaned from some of my classes this semester to my note. 

Dear Pain:
Why must you increase so much at such inconvenient times? I need to sleep because I have class in the morning but you do not allow it. Don't you know I want to live my life untouched by you? Why can't you just leave me alone? I think our relationship is unhealthy and needs to be ended.  I promise I won't bother you so don't bother me.
Sincerely, Kathryn

It's short, sweet, and to the point.  I believe that I will be getting another surgery sometime soon.  Possibly in May.  It would be right after graduation and before I leave to work at summer camp.  We will see what happens.  For now I need to figure out how I am going to get all of my school assignments done without being about to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time from pain.

Relay for Life

Hello!
Well I would ask if you were enjoying the nice spring weather but alas it has started to snow AGAIN here.  Well I am going to be a part of the University of Minnesota Relay for Life event again this year.  I am a team captain and we have 13 members so far!  We are going to try to raise as much money as we can!  I think we have about 2 1/2 weeks until the event.  If you can, please donate to our team!  Hopefully we will have warm weather as this is the first year it is being held outside because so many people are participating! 

Thank You So Much

Thank you for keeping my grandma and family in your prayers.  My grandma passed away March 5th, 2011 at  4:14pm.  She was comfortable and died very peacefully.  Please continue to keep my family in your prayers as we grieve her passing.

Please Keep My Family In Your Thoughts and Prayers

You may or may not know that my grandma has been living at our house since last July.  She started on hospice a few months ago.  She was deteriorating for a while but then leveled out.
I just got a text from my mom.  My grandma has entered the "actively dying" phase.  The hospice nurse just left our house and said that my grandma could have from an hour to a week left.  Please pray that my grandma is comfortable and at peace during this scary time.  Also please think of my family as we watch my grandma pass away.

Donating Blood

We had a blood drive at the University on Thursday.  I volunteered for a while at the sign-in table.  Watching people arrive and give some of their time to give blood made me so jealous.  I know so many people that need transfusions that need this blood!  I so wanted to give but in the past when I tried to give blood it wasn't a happy experience.

I went with my parents on Thanksgiving a few years ago to give blood.  I know I am a hard stick because of all the blood draws that I have had.  I told the Red Cross people that I am a hard stick and I need their BEST person.  Alas, they gave me the new girl.  She poked in one arm, missed, and dug around for a bit with no success.  The second poke in my other arm was more productive.  After the poke, missing my vein yet again, and digging around for a while, some blood finally came out!  It was quickly lost though and I left without successfully donating with enormous bruises on both arms.

After this past experience I knew that it would not be easy for my to try again.  I did try though because at least I am trying to give.  The needle guy poked me and got my vein!  My blood started to come out but... it... was... so... slow...  At one time I had about five people around me giving suggestions on how to get my blood moving faster.  The guy that was in charge told me that I would be setting the record for the longest blood donation.  On average, it takes a person about 7 minutes to fill a bag of blood.  After 29 minutes, they finally said to stop.  I didn't even fill the bag!

I suppose that I will have to figure out other ways to help other people since donating blood hasn't yet been successful for me.

Please Pray for Kate

Kate had brain cancer.  She beat the cancer and was in remission.  She went in for an MRI a few days ago and it is not looking good.  There is a possibility her cancer is back.  Please pray for her and her family as they wait for conformation on if the cancer is back or not. 

You can visit her caringbridge site at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/mcraekate

Long Time Wasn't It?

I haven't written in a VERY LONG time.  I'm sorry to those who check my blog.  To be honest I really wanted my next post to be about how I no longer have consistent pain.  Now I am beginning to think that if I continued to wait for that magical day, I would never post again!  I am about 10 months post jaw joint replacement and I continue to have pain that the doctor cannot figure out.  He suggested another joint replacement on my left joint sometime in the future as my arthritis has gotten worse but he has no further plan for my right joint.  Today my pain it very intense making it hard to concentrate on anything.  Even writing this post is taking longer than before.  Its very difficult to attend school and deal with pain that makes it hard to go to class.  I got an email this morning from a professor that wrote about understanding that I may miss class and that he wouldn't hold it against me.  I started to cry because no other professor has been so understanding.  I almost got a 4.0 this past fall semester and the only thing that held me back was my attendance and participation!  This is so disappointing that my work shows my effort but pain gets in my way for a perfect semester GPA. 

I know that everything I wrote above was very pessimistic so I am going to make things a bit more optimistic.  Since I last wrote a few things have happened.  I worked at Camp Northwoods and although working was less than enjoyable (I may write about that later because its not optimistic) some friends and I formed the Llama Club.

Members from left to right: Rafiki (me), Shante', Ringo, Penguin, Dove

We all have developed a love for llamas and the outfits that we are wearing in the picture is out llama tracking gear.  These people are so amazing.  They are among the best friends that I have.  We spent three months living at camp together and now every time there is a break from school we all get together and hang out like no time has passed. 

Tan puppy: Dusty, White puppy: Casper, Black Puppy: Dakota

My brother and sister got puppies.  Michael got a puppy named Dusty.  He is a very stupid dog to be blunt but my brother thinks that he has more brains than any other canine.  At this moment we have had them since November I believe and Dusty still refuses to pee outside.  Casper is Lacy's dog.  Casper is the smallest puppy and he doesn't run around too much yet.  Although he might seem like a pushover, he can hold his own.  Dakota is the first puppy of the family and he seems to fight Dusty for "alpha dog" status.  So far I think that Dakota is still on top of the food chain.  In the picture one of the puppies (not sure which) decided to chew up toilet paper and when the others joined, I investigated and snapped this picture.

I went to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure for a few days with my two sisters.  On the first day me made a mad dash for Harry Potter and we all fell in love with the place.  It looks so real that I wanted to become a witch and go to Hogwarts for school.  We all tried Butterbeer and Pumpkin Juice which both tasted great!  We also went shopping and got magic wands.  If only mine worked... :)  I also took a tour of Hogwarts and there were sign language interpreters there!  I got to know about everything that was said while we walked the halls of Hogwarts.

Bekah, Lacy, and I got to try on wizard robes!

My first time to try Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks

 Well now that I have shared some awesome things about the past months, I gotta try to get some work done so I can shoot for and hopefully achieve a 4.0 my last semester of my undergrad schooling.